Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Panties = found
Randomize
