I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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