It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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