we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
