we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Randomize
