I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
