so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We got so high we made milksteak
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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