also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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