Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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