If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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