Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
