Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
