Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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