I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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