why didn't you poke me back
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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