i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
