My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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