Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
