I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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