I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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