I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
