So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
