So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I party with great urgency now.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
