she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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