So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
