K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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