I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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