I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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