I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
