I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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