I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
