Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
