I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
