____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
