Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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