My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
