We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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