Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The power of my boobs compel you
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
