So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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