oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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