and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
