So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
