If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
