dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
