wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
