her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
