Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize