dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
