Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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