counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
wow bdsm is so cute
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
