You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Randomize
