Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
