did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
