I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize