I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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