tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
