He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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