He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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