Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
