they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
not ubering you a puppy
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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