Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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