She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Randomize
