Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The beer is more important than you right now.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
