I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
