The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
