a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
