My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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