Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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