i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
be right there i have to get my cape
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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