Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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