They should really pass out barf bags in church
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I didn't notice because vodka
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I have already put on my inside pants.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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