I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
