i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
