i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
