New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
