He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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