Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
