U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
