Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
