Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
